Hello dear reader,

Over the last few days I have been thinking deeply about my life this year. Spending time in your house without needing to work (or at least having no work to do except cooking and showering) over the Christmas holiday with your family has a way of forcing you to re-orientate yourself and think in a reflective manner over all of what you have done since the last time you got this chance.

So, what have I been thinking about? My year as a whole. Last year was the first Christmas I spent with my girlfriend alone, without family visiting or us visiting our own families separately. Our reasoning was that me and her are now a family unit, and to spend time with our family is now staying home with each other. We enjoyed that so much last year that we decided to do it again. Our family on both sides were very understanding, and probably after hearing that we are spending it alone are expecting to hear that we are having a baby. That is not so, but it is certainly part of being a family and a part of our future.

I have been thinking over that choice and what that means for us. How we have been building a house together in order to create a space for a future person: a child of our own. Because of this line of thinking we are also concerned about money (I’m sure everyone is concerned about money, but you know what I mean). I graduated University last year and since then I was looking for a job. I did indeed get a job this year which is nice, because I do actually enjoy work, and after four years of studying at university, you can imagine how much I wanted to get back into work (not sarcasm, I was actually excited to go back to working again). With work I have a routine, a regular wage and also something physical to keep me rolling on. I enjoy all of those things, and keeping tabs on our money and spending it wisely also has a level of satisfaction to it. My girlfriend is a student so cannot work full-time, but she is also looking for a part time job to help our household out which would be very helpful.

Reflecting on this makes me really appreciate my work, my work mates, how many hours I get and the fact that my job is in the same village as where I live. A few minutes worth of walking into work at 7am is a pleasure and gets me in the right head-space, and a few minutes in the cold walking home after an eight hour shift is enjoyable as I can text my girlfriend and be welcomed home for a shower, a hot meal and a few hours with each other before I do it all again tomorrow. There is something rewarding about that in a way that is hard to express. There is something about going to work, working hard, and coming home to the woman you love that is really rewarding on a family and male level that makes me happy and ready to carry on working and building our household.

Me and her do want children, but we both want to be married first, but before that we have to be baptised. This bothers us as both of us were raised by very Boomer and Gen-X style parents. Very hands off parenting when it comes to religion. Neither of us were baptised by our parents as babies, despite being from religious households and a religious nation. What both of us have been doing, and had never done before in our lives is go to church. So for us that was a very difficult thing. We are both in our twenties and had never properly been to church, so going to one was quite nerve wracking for us. But, both of us managed it and are slowly getting used to church and fitting in. This will later enable us to sincerely be baptised and then marry, and then onto children! For us that is very exciting and we both can’t wait, but are unwilling to rush it.

Christmas this year has been extra special for us. I do and have for years prayed before meals, but alone and in private before I go to the dinner table. She has only recently started praying before meals, and only just started praying at all! So, on Christmas day we made dinner together and I said a prayer out loud at the table, and while it made me uncomfortable I said “Well, if I can’t even pray at my own dinner table, in my own house with my own girlfriend, then how are we going to show our children what we believe and pass that on to them?”, she agreed and we prayed at dinner regardless of how we felt. Since then we have prayed at every dinner everyday since, and I hope that we will continue to do so.

Because of work I often don’t get to pray before I eat at work, or I only get to say a sentence in my own head. We don’t get to have lunch together or even breakfast together most days if I am working. So being home for just under two weeks for Christmas has been a nice family moment for us to get used to spending almost all of our hours together again, and appreciating it because it won’t be that way again for a long while when Christmas is fully over. So, I have learned what I want this year, have begun to enjoy outwardly being Christian, instead of always being an internal one. I have enjoyed going back to work, I still study at home because the subject I studied at university (Philosophy) is not just a random choice, but something I will study regardless of need because I enjoy it – it is a lifelong passion like poetry is. I am working towards economic stability for me and my future wife, and future children (yes I want many, and so does she – and we are still young), and working on myself religiously so that that can be done sincerely.

Maybe I will be going back to study at a higher level, or maybe not – I did always want to be a teacher after all. All I know, and what I have learned this year is that I have a more direct family now, and I wish to build it and make it worth being born into. I want to pass something down worth passing down and giving to my children. What I want to do in the next year is further secure my future, work towards being baptised and getting married, and finally: post more on here!

So, to everyone reading this and to those who read my works:
Thank you, I hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Let’s work towards being a better us this year,
Happy new 2019!
All the best, with love and attention,
Solilska.

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